so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
