I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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