Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
