Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
