I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
bring money and cleavage
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
