so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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