How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
