the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
