she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
