My room smells like vodka and shame
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
