you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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