Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
