he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So vagazzling was a success
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
