Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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