YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
