My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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