Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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