I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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