Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
