If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
