I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
