I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
