Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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