I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
