Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
