We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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