I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
