there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
