Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
