I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
