I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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