this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
