Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
