I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
