the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
His nipple licking is glorious
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