Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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