I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
