oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
