i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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