Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
