If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
