apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
