we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
