The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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