I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
