We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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