hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
