in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
