Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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