I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
