I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
